Make it Easy

I've lived in my house for almost 20 years and I would guess the house itself is maybe 40 years old. And the other day the front handle to the door just fell off. I went to go outside and pulled the door handle like I have hundreds of times before but this time the handle just came off in my hand.

I looked an looked for what I wanted to replace it with. Finally I decided on this cool keyless mechanical lock that you just punch a code in. I bought the lock and waited until a day off to install it.

One afternoon I unpacked all the instructions, screws, long dingies, short doodles and sat by the door and started working. I read the instructions, stared at the directions, tried to put it together without the instructions. I thought about forcing the lock and just make it go on but I knew, from experience that forcing the issue doesn't make it work. So I gave up. I realized I needed help.

And several days later my girlfriend who is a wonder, slowly, methodically, and with ease installed the lock as I handed her tools and pieces the way a nurse hands instruments to the surgeon.

And I applied this to my son. When he tells me he is ready for a new start I let my heart jump for joy. I start planning how I can help him, think about what he needs to do, give gentle reminders, offer rides, insist on taking him to apply for jobs. Everything is laying before him and I am trying to push, maneuver, manipulate him into doing what will make me happy.

So the lesson for me is that something is really hard it means I need to back off. If I try to force anything it will not work with ease. I need to work on making everything in my life easy.

Leaving Children Alone

As a mother I want to fix things. I've become accustomed to being the parent, the counselor, the problem solver. I pride myself on getting things done. I'm good at problem solving and once I decide to do something I am tenacious.

But with my teenagers I find that sometimes the best thing to do is nothing. In the last couple of years one of my sons has gotten into drugs. He has left home and is down his own path that has nothing to do with me. It scares me to death to think about what he might be encountering at this very moment. I can make myself crazy thinking about him or what I might do to keep him safe. But time and time again I've seen that it doesn't matter what I do because he (and he alone) has the power to change his life.

The liberation in that, is that I have the power to change my life. So I bless him as often as I need to, and then I take care of myself. I try to stop thinking about what my actions will cause in him, (dignity?, insight?, recovery?) and concentrate on what my actions will cause in me. When I allow myself I can find serenity and even joy!