Thursday, October 29, 2009

Sitting in the moment.

I realize that expectations get me in trouble. When my son was released from boot camp, I had the expectation that the experience would be life changing. When I saw him and he looked so good and seemed so hopeful and talked of future plans of going to school, working, being happy with simple things it seemed as if the experience had changed him. And then I started planning. How can I best help him get a job? How can I help him with transportation? What can I say to encourage him? My expectation became that he would develop a life that would make me happy when I thought or saw him.

But his recovery is not my recovery. What he does is his business. And when he chooses to use again it is his addiction not mine. I have felt sick and lost and hopeless since he has used and been re-arrested. And I'm not sure when I will be able to get out of this funk and move on. But I know that on cloudy days, when it is dark and gloomy, there is still a sun. Although I can't predict how long it will take for the clouds to part, I do know that they will and I will find peace and serenity again. And the sun will shine!

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