I've learned that the drug addict often redirects attention from himself by making accusations towards me. And often I find myself taking the bait. "You never believe me. How could you not believe your own son? Your approval is what I want most because you're my mother. How can a mother believe a total stranger over her son?" And then I'm off and running, defending myself and trying to rationalize with an irrational person. I find myself trying to build a case to defend my actions. And the craziness escalates.
It's okay to not defend yourself. It's okay to say nothing. It's okay to walk away. It's okay to hang up. Nothing is achieved by arguing with an active drug addict. The drug addict is not the same person I know. I am not arguing with my son but with my son on drugs. I will never win.
So in those difficult times when I'm being attacked to take the heat off him; I need to take care of myself. I need to learn to walk away.
Showing posts with label mother of drug addicted son. Show all posts
Showing posts with label mother of drug addicted son. Show all posts
Thursday, June 5, 2008
Tuesday, June 3, 2008
Leaving Children Alone
As a mother I want to fix things. I've become accustomed to being the parent, the counselor, the problem solver. I pride myself on getting things done. I'm good at problem solving and once I decide to do something I am tenacious.
But with my teenagers I find that sometimes the best thing to do is nothing. In the last couple of years one of my sons has gotten into drugs. He has left home and is down his own path that has nothing to do with me. It scares me to death to think about what he might be encountering at this very moment. I can make myself crazy thinking about him or what I might do to keep him safe. But time and time again I've seen that it doesn't matter what I do because he (and he alone) has the power to change his life.
The liberation in that, is that I have the power to change my life. So I bless him as often as I need to, and then I take care of myself. I try to stop thinking about what my actions will cause in him, (dignity?, insight?, recovery?) and concentrate on what my actions will cause in me. When I allow myself I can find serenity and even joy!
But with my teenagers I find that sometimes the best thing to do is nothing. In the last couple of years one of my sons has gotten into drugs. He has left home and is down his own path that has nothing to do with me. It scares me to death to think about what he might be encountering at this very moment. I can make myself crazy thinking about him or what I might do to keep him safe. But time and time again I've seen that it doesn't matter what I do because he (and he alone) has the power to change his life.
The liberation in that, is that I have the power to change my life. So I bless him as often as I need to, and then I take care of myself. I try to stop thinking about what my actions will cause in him, (dignity?, insight?, recovery?) and concentrate on what my actions will cause in me. When I allow myself I can find serenity and even joy!
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