Finding Home

Having a child who is addicted consumes ones thoughts. I find myself rehashing our last experience or imagined images of where he is right now. If I were to imagine that I have 100 units of energy a day I sometimes feel as if I use 99 of them on worrying or thinking about a son who is not here and who I have no control over. So I try to dole out the units of energy to all those important to me. I dole a few out to my addicted son, but then I dole more out to another son and then to my partner and to my work. And lastly I dole a hefty dose out to me. Because with all the chaos I lose track of me.

There's a place inside that I call home. When I am consumed with others I lose track of that place. It's inside and a place that brings me serenity. So each day I try to dole out some units of energy for myself. In those times I walk, read, take a shower, stretch and just be. When I reach a calmness and a peacefulness with myself I know that I have found home.