Right or Wrong Thinking

I grew up in a family that was religious and actions were characterized as right or wrong. Almost every action was either a right one or a wrong one. If I didn't receive immediate consequences, at death I would reap the final consequence. I carried that thinking into my adult life.

And then I had children. One of my children did not do "right" things from the beginning. He was always in trouble, lied a lot, didn't follow the rules, and didn't seem to learn from consequences. And for years I applied the right or wrong ideology in my head, and probably in his too. But I've got to tell you that his "goodness" or "badness" had nothing to do with how much I loved and still love him.

Somewhere along the line I realized that right or wrong thinking wasn't a belief that was serving me. It made me unhappy. I challenged that belief (and still do on a regular basis) and find myself happier when I can let go of it. I try to think of my son's behavior as neither right or wrong. My son has value because he is who he is right now. His choices are irrelevant to his value. And the consequences of his actions are neither good or bad, they are just consequences.