My son's problems and urgency seem to escalate as the sun goes down and it gets closer to my bedtime. His most urgent calls are at midnight or later. And the later it becomes the more demanding he is that his emergency is my urgency.
If he calls me crying, begging, or yelling I don't give in. I know that if I do, it strengthens his desire to call me to solve his problems. But don't think for a moment that when he calls at 2:00a.m., I quietly hang the phone up and doze back to sleep. Instead I toss and turn, worry, obsess, hurt, cry and feel absolutely drained in the morning.
This happened enough times that I made a decision. I told my son I would not accept any phone call from him after 6:00p.m. I told him why. When I told one of my friends about my new policy she said "Good for you, tough love is hard but it is the best thing."
Hmmm........tough love-I've never been a big fan of that philosophy. So what's different about what I did and tough love? I set a boundary for myself. I want to sleep and its what I need to be happy and peaceful. Tough Love is setting a boundary so you can coerce the other person to succumb to your wishes.
For months I left my phone on and tortured myself when I would see that he was calling. I patted myself on the back for sticking to my promise and not answering. But finally I set another boundary; I turn my phone off when I go to sleep. And I sleep so much better.
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